Backgammon is Life: Dating
The ups and downs of seeking love is a lot like a dice game.
I’ve recently jumped back into the dating scene after being widowed a couple of years ago. Dating in your sixties is very different than it was back in college. Of course, there have been a few technological advances since then as well. In 1980 we didn’t have social media or dating apps or even text messaging, which are the go-to communication modes today. Heck, when I was growing up, we had a party-line telephone with a couple of neighbors. I’m getting the hang of it though. It’s fun, interesting, frustrating, hopeful, disappointing, and fulfilling all at the same time. Basically, it’s a lot like tournament backgammon, and not just Doubles.
Unlimited Rebuys
Online dating in particular is like playing a backgammon tournament with continuous unlimited entries. There’s an element of chance in the randomness of the draw. You can only play with the people who enter the tournament — both in backgammon and dating apps. There are many flavors of events to choose from in backgammon: Masters, Seniors, Juniors, Doubles, Newcomers, Women Only, etc. And when it comes to dating, there are literally hundreds of apps to choose from. I lost count on the Google Play store. There’s a dating app for every age, race, religion, culture, or kink. You can enter multiple events just as you can date on Match.com, OK Cupid, and Silver Singles all at the same time.
Of course, there are some minor differences between dating and real backgammon tournaments. You can date as long as you like, but tournaments have actual time limits so they have to cut off the entries at some point. You get to choose if you want to date, chat, or even smile at someone with whom you’ve been matched. Your dating matches are not your opponents and you’re a winner when you say you are. Okay, those are some significant differences but hang with me. I’ve got a point, I promise.
Progress Not Perfection
Barclay Cooke called backgammon “The Cruelest Game.” Backgammon for Blood and Backgammon for People Who Hate to Lose are among the many books about the game that characterize it as a war to be won. Even the jargon we use over the board has the trappings of a battle. We hit blots. We position our bullets in case he escapes. The doubling cube is a weapon, not a gift. Everybody likes to win, but that’s not what keeps us coming back for more. Nobody can win every single game all the time. And when the dice have beaten us into submission, we drag ourselves back to the table to learn about life and the game because backgammon is inherently creative. Ultimately, who won or lost doesn’t matter. The whole point is, did you solve the puzzles correctly, and if not did you learn something?
Don’t Lose the Lesson
When we’re telling the story about how we got crushed by an opponent, more often than not the story revolves around a particular position which involved a difficult decision. Here’s an example from the 2021 Viking Classic. I was playing in the semi-finals against Dana Nazarian. Playing Black, I was behind 3–4 in a 7-point match. After taking a pretty tough double, I threw a series of large rolls clawing my way back to this position. And now I had a hard decision to make. Is it time to redouble? If he takes, we play for match. If he drops, I take the lead at 2-away.
It took a while for me to decide. I’ve got six checkers left, and he’s got five. I have better distribution, but I can’t afford to miss. Do I really want to play for match from here? I chose yes, and I chose wisely. It turns out that not doubling is a .198 blunder. Now Dana had a decision to make, should he take? He also thought about it for several minutes before he snatched the cube. His decision was a .551 blunder. This is a stone-cold drop. The analysis is shocking and confounded several experts I showed the position to. Many weren’t even sure that it’s a double. Of course, Dana rolled 6–6 to win the game, match and eventually the event. But I didn’t feel that bad. I played it right. Things just don’t work out sometimes, even if you play the match perfectly you could wind up out of the running.
It’s not you. It’s me.
And so it is with dating. You may find a match that you’re really interested in. You start an online conversation. You get to know each other a bit, and maybe talk on the phone or do a computer video conference. You might even meet for coffee, dinner and a movie. You can wear your nicest outfit, trim your nails, tell all the appropriate jokes, make sure your breath is good. You’ve read all the dating articles, and have all the right conversation starters in your back pocket. But sometimes it just doesn’t work out. Maybe the timing is wrong. Maybe they’re just not feeling that “spark.” Maybe you’re not feeling it. There are lots of reasons that the dating match doesn’t light. All you can do is throw the dice and see what happens. If it wasn’t meant to be, it’s time to learn something about yourself and move on. I don’t know, maybe I should get a haircut.
It’s easier to keep your head straight if you’ve got the right goals. If you’re obsessed with “finding your soulmate,” you’re going to be disappointed. They don’t exist. But if you want to go out, meet some interesting people and have a good time, then every date is a success. You can’t control what happens any more than you can control the dice. And when your romantic hopes are dashed on the rocks of “It’s not you, it’s me,” you can always reenter the tournament. Hope springs eternal.
Bad Beat
Today’s tragedy comes from Rory Pascar, tournament director extraordinaire. It seems like he’s been all over the place lately. Chicago, of course. But also St. Louis, Las Vegas, and I heard that he’s on staff at Monte Carlo now. He’s not a bad backgammon player either. Just ask him.
On this particular day Rory was playing online on Backgammon Studio against Rainyday (Rain Ackerman — see her profile in the Spring 2021 issue of PrimeTime), when he experienced the old adage, “When it rains, it pours.” It had been a hard-fought match and he was finishing up the final game at DMP.
After he played his 6–4 Rory was confident in the outcome with a 99.6% chance of winning the game and the match. So far, he had played perfectly and all he had to do was take those last few checkers off. Even if he left a shot and his opponent hit it, he was still a favorite to come in, bring it back around and finish victorious. I mean seriously, look at Rain’s two-point board. What could possibly go wrong?
And then the thunderstorm came up out of nowhere. Rain got her ace to remake her six point and Rory rolled a 5–4 leaving a shot which Rain promptly hit. Then Rory followed up with a 2–1 staying in the air, in the middle of a tornado. He’s still a 96.2% favorite after the bounce.
Unfortunately, by the time Rory got his 6–5 to run to the outfield, Rain had positioned her last two checkers to slap him back into the air.
And there Rory stayed swirling for three more rolls 6–1, 6–2, 2–1. While Rory was spinning off the ground, Rain was taking off checkers and leaving no blots. 6–4 brought a checker in and the four off. 2–2 took a checker off the six and the deuce. 4–4 took two checkers off the six-point.
With all of Rain’s checkers now on the ace and the deuce points, Rory finally came in with a 6–5. He had a glimmer of hope left. Sadly, he has gone from a
250/1 favorite to a 3/1 underdog. One roll later, Rain threw a 4–4. It was a splinter through Rory’s heart at tornado force and the perfect end to a perfect storm. He never knew what hit him.
Rory’s Performance Rating was 4.44 and beat his opponent’s PR by 7 points. But Rain exceeded her opponent’s luck by 7.942. Who can compete with that?
